Insanity
by Jncera
Summary: Crack!fic drabble dump. Ch 7 - Artemis and Wally go a little crazy after a few all-nighters in college...
1. This is

**Just like how artists have sketch dumps, this is going to be my crack!fic writing dump. **

**These are just little drabbles that have a lot of insanity and not a lot of sense. I may use some later in full-fledged fics, but for now, they're just written proof that my mind is completely bonkers. **

Rated T for some bad words.

Disclaimer: I don't own Young Justice.

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><p>Before Kaldur became Aqualad, he decided to give acting a shot…<p>

"Hello ladies. Now look at your man, now back at me. Now back to your man, now back to _me_. Sadly, he isn't me. I have gills, and mystic eel-tattoos. Now look at your man, I just turned him into a human lightning-rod. Look at me. I have a magical water sword. And now it's a mace. I'm on a dolphin."

On second thought, Kaldur decided that maybe he would just stick with fighting crime and saving the world…

* * *

><p>Superboy didn't always used to only watch the psychedelic black-and-white buzzing static on the television. His force-teaching G-Gnomes <em>did<em> enlighten him to the wonderful creations of the television, remote, and cable...

**Day 1: **

_Dad? Dad, come on. You gotta get up. Dad, we gotta go home! HELP! SOMEBODY! …Anybody…help…_

"NOOO!" Superboy jumped off the couch, infuriated. "WHY DID MUFASA DIE?" He brought his fists down, and before M'gann could stop him, the coffee table was split neatly in two.

**Day 3:**

_No. I am your father._

_No…that's not true! That's impossible!_

"NOOO!"

And a second coffee table bites the dust. Or, well, is surrounded by dust particles of itself.

**Day 6:**

_Madness? This! Is! Sparta!_

"YEAH!"

M'gann ran into the room after hearing a crash, and discovered that Superboy had once again destroyed the coffee table, this time by accidentally kicking it into the TV, which was also in pieces.

She dropped her dish-towel and sighed. "Superboy, maybe you should stick to watching something more calming, or boring, next time?"

**Day 10:**

_Now, to Al for today's weather!_

_Well folks, I know I promised sunshine for today, but it looks like Mother Nature has thoughts of her own! There's an eighty-percent chance of rain this afternoon, with possible winds up to twenty or thirty miles per hour! So it's probably best if everyone—_

"NOOO! I WANTED TO GO TO THE BEACH!"

M'gann had thoughtfully moved their newest coffee table away from the couch to prevent any damage, but upon hindsight, she probably should have removed every possible item in that room, as Superboy had grabbed the remote and threw it haphazardly, and it pelted through the coffee table with a sharp crash, leaving behind a decent hole right through the center.

Well, though M'gann to herself as she tried not to slap her forehead with her hand, at least it would make a nice cup-holder?

**Day 14**:

At the Wayne Manor…

Bruce was casually flipping through the bills from Mount Justice while drinking his evening coffee, when all of a sudden he gagged and started coughing.

"Master Bruce, are you all right?" inquired Alfred.

"How the _hell_ did The Team manage to spend over _ten-thousand_ dollars on _coffee tables_ in the past two weeks?"

And as loaded Bruce Wayne was, he simply thought spending that amount of money on something like a coffee table was just too absurd.

So therefore, Superboy was kindly required to stay away from all televised programs until he could get a freaking grip on his emotions.

* * *

><p>"Come on Roy, why won't you join The Team?" whined Wally, for probably the tenth time that day.<p>

Roy sighed, but continued to scan the night-time streets below the building he and Wally were perched on. "I already told you—I'm going solo. I'm done with taking orders."

"Yea, but _why_?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Just cuz."

"Why why why why why?"

Roy gritted his teeth. If this continued he was seriously going to fling Wally of this building, even though Flash would definitely _not_ be thrilled to discover his side-kick (and nephew) had fallen off the fiftieth floor of _anything_.

He exhaled slowly. "If I tell you will you PLEASE STOP?"

As his answer Wally just nodded and grinned.

"And don't tell anyone else this!" growled the archer.

Wally made a gesture of zipping his lips and throwing away an imaginary key. "Mum's the word!"

Roy took a deep breath. He really couldn't believe he was actually going to tell this story, and to Kid Mouth, out of all people. Was he really out of his damn mind? "So, ever since I started with Ollie, he was in a relationship with Dinah."

"Black Canary?"

"Um, yeah. Anyways, so Dinah's always been a sort of…a mother-figure to me."

Wally let out a low whistle. "Can you say MILF!"

Roy's eye visibly twitched, even through his mask. "I'm going to pretend I never heard that."

"So you don't want to join The Team because you don't want to hang around your mom?" Wally made quotation gestures in the air with his fingers for the last two words.

"She's the combat trainer!"

Wally raised an eyebrow. "So…?"

"So, have _any_ of you ever gotten the upper-hand when training with her?"

The speedster paused and thought for a brief second. "Actually no. But that's only because I _let_ her win…"

Roy snorted. "Right. Dinah's the best hand-to-hand combat fighter out of the entire Justice League, and she's also sort of like my mother. I'll let you put two and two together."

Wally opened his mouth to ask more questions, but stopped. As realization dawned upon him, he exploded with laughter. Roy grumbled something to himself and glared back at the streets below.

Finally, Wally's laughter subsided enough for him to choke out some coherent words, "Wait…so…Roy Harper…the powerful Red Arrow…is…afraid of being publicly served…by his _mom_? HA!"

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><p>Robin pranced around his teammates gleefully. "Batman saved us from Clayface! <em>Batman<em>! _My_ mentor!"

He jumped in front of Wally and pointed a finger at him. "Not yours!"

And then M'gann. "Not your uncle either!"

And then Kaldur. "Not your king!"

And then Superboy. "And definitely not your—" He suddenly stopped himself and visibly blanched. Superboy's lips twitched and dragged down slightly.

Without warning Robin threw his hands into the air, turned, and ran out of the room, shrieking.

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><p>"Hey Artemis." Wally slid into the chair opposite the archer on the breakfast counter. "So do you have a twin brother named Apollo?" He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows at her.<p>

Artemis pointed her spoon at him, and when she finally swallowed her cereal, she replied, "Hardy har har. Aren't you the witty one? And in Rome, they call me Diana!"

"Really?"

"And I also have a pet deer and like to run around in the forest in nothing but a toga."

"Oh, that's hot." Wally winked at her.

Artemis glared at him. "Don't make me call upon daddy Zeus to stick a thunderbolt up your ass."

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><p>"Uh, has anyone else noticed that Superboy has been acting a bit…well, strange ever since we got back from Bialya?" Robin took a seat on the couch, and watched as Artemis, Wally, and Kaldur played a game of Jenga on the coffee table.<p>

"Why, what's wrong with him?" asked Kaldur without looking away from the tower of chaotic blocks. He gingerly poked a single block out, and exhaled in relief when it didn't compromise the overall structure.

"Um, he hasn't stopped following around M'gann like some…lovesick puppy…"

Artemis laughed. "So? He probably finally realized he liked her back."

"Yeah, but, don't you think it's a bit…sudden?"

"Well we don't know whatever happened to the two of them in the desert when he got his memories back. Maybe he had a lightning bolt of inspiration."

Robin frowned, and then started laughing, startling Artemis into almost knocking over the Jenga tower.

"ROBIN!" she yelled exasperatedly.

Robin grabbed his side and bent over, still howling with laughter. "I'm…sorry…it's just that…I just realized…that the only memories…Superboy has…are M'gann's memories…of them together!"

The three other teens paused their actions and contemplated Robin's words.

"Holy moly, you're right!" began Wally, "Wait…does that mean he's totally forgotten everything the G-Gnomes have taught him too? Drat! I can't use him as Wikipedia anymore!"

* * *

><p><strong>If Young Justice were a musical…<strong>

Superman, looking dramatically away from Superboy: _But the kid is not my son! She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son!_

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><p>...<p>

A/N: I think the lack of new episodes is literally driving me insane..


	2. Madness!

I've been supplementing the lack of YJ episodes with Justice League episodes, but it's not the same! I miss my motion-sensing-hacking Robin and aster-feeling Supey and bickering-but-you-can-so-feel-the-sexual-tension Wally and Artemis and Old Spice poster-boy Kaldur and hot-damn-I-want-to-touch-your-arms Roy. Oh and M'gann. I suppose. She does have a cool Bio-ship, but the noise it makes kind of gives me the shivers.

Disclaimer: I don't own Young Justice.

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><p>"What's wrong with spandex?"<p>

Superboy turned around to see Wally in his full uniform, leaning against the wall. "Everything," he answered plainly.

"They're pretty comfortable you know."

"No thanks. I remember my solar suit. It made me feel naked."

"But Supey, that's the best part!"

Superman grimaced. He wasn't sure he liked where this conversation was going.

"Everyone dreams of running around naked!" continued Wally, "The feeling of complete freedom! No restrictions! Total flexibility!"

Superboy remained silent and simply stared at Wally, who was grinning.

"And plus, the ladies dig a man in spandex." Wally raised his arms to the sides and flexed. "They can see _all_ your muscles."

"Uh…"

Wally winked. "Why do you think I have an arrow on my uniform that points _down_?"

And at that moment, for the first and only time in his life, Superboy genuinely wished he were back in his pod at Cadmus.

* * *

><p>Wally had made his final decision.<p>

It had been a hard decision to make, and he had been quite torn, but after last night, his answer was definitive, and it was all thanks to Artemis. Or not thanks to her, as what she had done to him wasn't all that pleasant.

The team had been sent on another covert mission that had involved getting wet—really wet.

And no, not in that way you pervert.

The team had to make an underwater entrance through a sea-side fortress's wall, so off they paddled.

And when they got back on land, Wally had said something snarky to Artemis, who then retaliated in such a way that made Wally come to one of the most important conclusions of his life.

Artemis had responded not with her mouth, or fist, or even her arrows. She had just simply sharply turned her head.

And that's when Wally made his decision.

He was definitely going to stick with girls with short hair for the rest of his life.

Because getting whipped by two feet of soaking-wet hair had not only stung like a bitch, but it had also been utterly humiliating.

Yeah…he was definitely sticking to girls with shoulder-length hair or shorter from now on.

* * *

><p><strong>Reason #136 Why Roy Doesn't Want To Join The Team…<strong>

"_Red Arrow_, huh?" said Artemis, in her usual sarcastic tone, "Couldn't think of anything more creative?"

"_Artemis_, huh?" returned Roy in the same tone, "Couldn't think of anything, _period_?"

"Hey! In case you're not up to speed with ancient Greek mythology, Artemis was the goddess of the hunt, and used a bow and arrow!"

"To hell with the secret identity stuff then, right? I mean, who's going to connect Artemis the blonde-haired blue-eyed vigilante with Artemis the blond-haired blue-eyed student? What's the point of even wearing your cowl?"

"Whatever. At least when I'm with Green Arrow I'm not all of a sudden Team _Deck-the-halls-with-boughs-of-holly_!"

Roy glared at her. "I'm not even _with_ Green Arrow anymore!"

Artemis ignored him and continued singing. "_Don we now our gay apparel, fa la la la la la la la la!_ Wow, I never realized just how _well_ the song fits you two!"

* * *

><p>Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent, and Barry Allen aka The Flash were sitting together at a table in The Watchtower's dining hall. Bruce and Clark were, as usual, deep in silent thought, and Barry was, as usual, busy eating. He stabbed a strawberry on his plate with his fork, but instead of eating it in his typical millisecond, he twirled the fork around and stared at the fruit, and suddenly a silly grin appeared on his face.<p>

"Hey guys! Guess what!"

Bruce merely turned his head to look at him, and Clark muttered, "What, Barry."

"If I were a fruit, I'd be a straw-_barry_!" The Flash beamed. "Get it? My costume is red, and strawberries are red, and if you replace the 'e' with an 'a' it spells my name!"

Bruce and Clark's expressions remained unchanged, but Barry was accustomed to their stoic demeanors, and continued on with his newly discovered word-play.

"Or a rasp-barry! Or cran-barry! Oh oh, and the _best_…" He paused, and tried his best not to laugh. "Wait for it, wait for it…BAR-BARRY!" He finally broke down and howled with laughter, wiping away tears and attracting the attention of the rest of the dining hall occupants.

Clark sighed, and looked over at Bruce, who shrugged and pulled out his phone.

"What are you doing?" asked Clark, trying to ignore the fact that Barry was now pounding on the table in hysterics.

"Sending a message to Iris."

"Saying…?"

"I'm telling her to be cautious."

"About…?"

"The fact that Barry has suddenly gained interest in becoming a fruit."

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><p>There never seems to be an end to the feats of superheroes; it almost seems like there's almost nothing they can't do!<p>

Well, that's where you're wrong.

Because there is definitely one thing that most of the men can't do. At all.

"Hey Batman!"

"Yes Robin…"

"Can you bend your arms in front of your chest like you're doing a bicep curl, and touch your elbows together?"

Several seconds ticked by before…

"Hey Robin…"

"Yes Batman!"

"You owe me a new uniform."

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><p>…<p>

I swear I'm sane…?

Anyways, if nobody got the last scene, just go up to a really REALLY muscular guy, and tell them to touch their elbows to each other. I promise you it's impossible, unless they pull a Batman and rip their shirt. Not that, that's a bad thing, or anything… I mean, seeing—

I'm going to stop talking now.


	3. Nyanyanyanyan

Disclaimer: I don't own Young Justice or "A Whole New World" or Twitter or Youtube or Nyan Cat, nor am I Rebecca Black. Lol.

By the way, I rated this a **T** for a reason. Bad words coming up!

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><p>"<em>I can show you the world!"<em>

"Clark please put me down."

"_Shining, shimmering, splendid!"_

"Put me down, right now."

"_Tell me, Batman, now when did you last let your heart decide?"_

"Stop singing and put me down."

"_I can open your eyes!"_

"Clark this isn't funny."

"_Take you wonder by wonder!"_

"What is wrong with you."

"_Over, sideways, and under, on a superhero ride!"_

"I will throw up all over you if you do that again."

"_A whole new world!"_

"Please stop."

"_A new fantastic point of view!"_

"I don't need a new fantastic point of view."

"_No one to tell us no, or where to go!"_

"I'm telling you to put me down right now."

"_Or say we're only dreaming!"_

"If you don't put me down right now, I'm going to take a piece of kryptonite and shove it up your-"

"_A WHOLE NEWWWWW WORLD!"_

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><p>"Holy crap!" exclaimed Wally as he and Robin arrived at Mount Justice through the zeta portals, "No pun intended, but it smells like the sewers exploded in here!"<p>

"And looks like it too," added Robin in disgust, as he realized they were also standing in about an inch of water.

"I'll bet you Kaldur went too crazy on his training or something…" said Wally, pinching his nose.

"Hey guys!" Megan waved at them from the air, "Sorry, we had a—"

Her sentence was cut off by the arrival of Superboy, sloshing through the water and carrying…

"Is that a _toilet seat?_" exclaimed Robin, his jaw dropping.

"Um, yes," replied Superboy, lifting up the seat and staring at it. "Yes it is."

Robin reeled away from him. "Ew Supes, why do you _stink_?"

Wally threw his hands in the air. "Dude what happened here? And why does it literally smell like _shit_?"

"Um, the toilet got clogged," replied Superboy.

"Okay," said Robin slowly, "That would explain _this_—" he gestured to the layer of water at his feet "—but why are you—?"

"This was from the toilet that got clogged."

Wally raised an eyebrow. "Er…"

"Um, when it wouldn't flush, I kind of…got mad at it…"

A few seconds of stunned silence past before Wally spoke again, "So…you _tore off the_ _toilet seat?_"

"Actually, this is um, all…that's…left of the…toilet…"

_Meanwhile, elsewhere in Mount Justice…_

Red Tornado eyes moved from the geyser that used to be a toilet, to the wrench in his hand, and then back at the bubbling mess.

"Fuck. My. Life_._"

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><p><strong>Young Justice On Twitter, Take 1:<br>(The "at" symbol has been replaced with +)**

**00Cheshire:** Okay who changed my ringtone to Nyan Cat…

**Robinwhelmed:** +00cheshire *snicker*

**00Cheshire:** +robinwhelmed Not. Funny. I have a poisoned shuriken with your name on it.

**00Cheshire:** CAN EVERYONE PLEASE STOP ASKING ME IF I POOP RAINBOWS!

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><p><strong>Young Justice on Twitter, Take 2:<strong>

**Robinwhelmed:** +blinkandyoumissme It's Friday

**Blinkandyoumissme:** +robinwhelmed Friday

**Robinwhelmed:** +blinkandyoumissme Gotta get down

**Blinkandyoumissme:** +robinwhelmed On Friday

**Robinwhelmed:** +blinkandyoumissme Partyin' partyin'

**Blinkandyoumissme:** +robinwhelmed YEAH!

**ArtemisArcher:** +robinwhelmed +blinkandyoumissme Thanks for getting that song stuck in my head FIRST thing in the morning. I hate you two.

**Ihatemonkeys:** +artemisarcher What song.

**ArtemisArcher: **+ihatemonkeys Just Youtube it.

**Ihatemonkeys**: REBECCA BLACK'S FRIDAY MAKES ME ANGRY!

**MeganMars:** Why is there a giant hole in the ceiling of Mt Justice?

**MeganMars**: Has anyone seen +ihatemonkeys?

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><p><strong>Reason #137 Why Roy Doesn't Want To Join The Team…<strong>

"Hey Roy!"

"Yeah Robin…"

"So, if you and Green Arrow are standing at an intersection, are the cars supposed to stop, or turn? Haha! Get it? …Roy? Roy are you still there?"

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><p>…<p>

**A/N: **Cookies to whoever can figure out the reference/meaning of Cheshire's screename!

Someone with amazing art skills should draw the Supey-Toilet-Scene XD If Red Tornado had facial expressions, his expression at the end would just kill it.

I do realize there are YJ Twitter accounts for role-play, and if any of these conversations have taken place on there, it is merely a coincidence. I'm not sure if I'll do the Twitter style again though. Does it seem a bit annoying to read?

I've been getting requests for a WallyxArtemis crack-fic scene, and don't worry, I hear you! Currently waiting for the crazy brain of mine to come up with an idea. Any other pairing requests?


	4. Throw My Deuces Up

Disclaimer: I don't own Young Justice D:

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><p>Hey. It's Red Tornado here, and before you start throwing red tomatoes (see what I did there?) at me for being the mole, just hear me out because I swear I have a legitimate reason—well, actually, several.<p>

First and foremost, I am sick and tired of being labeled as a "den-mother"! Why does the term have to be "den-_mother_"? Do I look like I have alloy boobs to you? Why can't it be "den-_father_"? Or "den-_parent_"?

Secondly, I'm tired of being the "den…whatever" to those teenagers. Where do I even start? Let's go in alphabetical order since I'm a robot and I'm all for systematic stuff.

**Artemis**. Everyone says she has long, luxurious hair, and I agree, but do you know what's not luxurious? Cleaning the shower drain after she takes a shower—_every_ time she takes a shower. If I don't, the showers turn into an impromptu bath, and that bath turns into an impromptu lake, and I turn into an impromptu rust-statue. And when I do remove all that hair, it's like pulling a freaking _head_ out of the drain, along with slimy soap residue. I may be a robot, but I am very well capable of knowing what the definition of _disgusting_ is.

**Conner**. Super strength is pretty cool, but not within the confines of a home. One time he tripped, and fell through to the basement, destroying a generator. Another time he got angry at some Disney movie (I think it was the one with lions…) and broke the coffee table. Actually, there were many times when he broke the coffee table from being overly emotional. Then there was that time he clogged the toilet, and broke it, and I had to fix it. I was coughing out rust for a week straight afterwards.

And do you want to know how he clogs the toilet in the first place? Well, let's just say that boy eats a lot, and what goes up, must come down, and when it rains, it pours.

And when it pours, sometimes the sewers just can't take it anymore.

**Kaldur**. Well, Kaldur doesn't do much to bother me, except he drips water everywhere, and tends to accidentally create sparks of electricity when he sneezes, which really doesn't leave me too whelmed when I step in such a puddle and something tickles his nose. I may not be able to conduct an orchestra, but I do conduct electricity.

**Megan**. I don't even know where to begin with this girl. She's set off the fire alarms and sprinkler systems so many times that I really almost banned her from the kitchen. Once, she set a bowl of ramen on fire in the microwave. In the _microwave_.

So the sprinkler system goes off, and Kaldur sneezes, and I start spazzing and rusting like there's no tomorrow.

All while there's a _bowl_ of _ramen_ on _fire_ in the _microwave_.

**Robin**. That little twerp hacks _everything_—not just the Justice League files and the motion sensors, but _everything_, including my system, and especially my system. Here's just a sampling of what he reprogrammed me to do in the few weeks I've been in this infernal cave: the chicken dance every half an hour, neigh loudly every time someone says my name, and sing Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" every time Batman radios in.

**Wally**. He's like a rat. Or a pig. Or a rat-pig. He eats _everything_ in the fridge and pantries, and I end up going to the grocery store literally every day, and there's nothing more demeaning for a superhero than to stand there and compare prices for loaves of bread (we do have a budget you know). And then hoards of people come up to me asking for my autograph and if I refuse because I'm too busy comparing prices they grab the loaf of bread from my hand and start hitting me with it. What? How is that supposed to hurt? I'm made of _metal_; that loaf of bread is made of _air_. And then management has to be called in ("Justice League member being assaulted on Aisle Four") and it's just a terrible ruckus.

And all I wanted was a loaf of bread.

Oh, and let's not forget the drama that goes on, all the: who-should-be-shipped-with-who but she-obviously-doesn't-like-him but omg-spitfire! Robots can't deal with drama—we're not programmed to act like Dr. Phil or Oprah.

All that being said, you're probably wondering, "Now Red Tornado, you did volunteer for this position, did you not?"

And I answer you, "I did not!"

No one wanted this position for fear of their sanity, so Batman—being the mature adult that he is—decided that the best way to choose the "den-mother" was to…play a game of Nose-Goes.

And I say eff that shit, BECAUSE I DON'T EVEN HAVE A NOSE.

So there you have it. When my brotha and sista from anotha motha came to me and asked me if I wanted out, I said, hell to the yes! I'm sick and tired of pulling hair from drains and fixing toilets and being a lightning rod and rusting all the time while doing the chicken dance to Rick Astley and getting smacked with loaves of bread.

So peace, bitches.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: On second thought, I should have made this its own one-shot fic. Oh well.

Okay, so I know I was going to do some drabbles with pairings, but I _had_ to get this out first. That nutty Red Tornado inside my brain wouldn't shut-up until I explained to the world his decisions.


	5. Dysfunctional

Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice.

This is in response to _Insecurity_...mainly Wally punching Cheshire in the face XD

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><p>Family reunions were like teeth-cleanings: absolutely unpleasant, undeniably painful, but necessary for general wellbeing and best if done every six months to a year.<p>

And ever since Artemis became Artemis West, and Jade became Jade Harper, the Crock's, West's, and Harper's would cluster together every summer at a park to drill and polish their family ties—usually by regaling awkward stories from their past.

"Hey sis," Jade started, after taking a long sip from the margarita in her hand, "remember that time your husband punched me in the face?"

Roy mentally face-palmed, and attempted to snatch her glass away.

"Jade," he warned.

Artemis rolled her eyes, and shifted on the picnic table seat to face her sister.

"Yeah, right after _your_ husband threw a bitch-fit at me."

Roy raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to riposte, but Jade cut him off, swinging her margarita dangerously over his lap.

"Well, that's what you get for keeping _secrets_," she returned.

At that moment, Wally returned, huffing and puffing after giving endless super-speed piggy-back rides to the children.

"Oh _man_," he exhaled as he collapsed next to Artemis, "don't those kids have an off-switch or something?" He poured himself a cup of ice-water and downed it in Guinness record speed.

"I wish _you_ had an off-switch when you punched me in the face," Jade slurred, pointing her now-empty margarita glass at him.

After frowning in confusion for a second, Wally suddenly burst out in laughter. He leaned against a scowling Artemis in an attempt to regain control of sanity. Thankfully, he had all the time in the world, as Artemis's father walked up to the table. Lawrence raised his eyebrows at his youngest daughter and grabbed a can of beer.

"You look overjoyed," he sarcastically pointed out.

Jade inclined into Roy and rolled her head in her father's direction.

"Dad, do _you_ remember the time you almost killed my husband with your stupid javelin and explosives—"

Roy looked away and slowly dragged a hand down his face.

"-and exploding javelins?" Jade continued, languidly pulling Roy's arm around her.

Lawrence released a loud guffaw and crisply opened the can.

"Couldn't have been worse than the time your little team—" he nodded at Artemis and Wally, "—blew up my helicopter."

"_Nothing is worse than having your brother-in-law punch you in the face!_" Jade suddenly shrieked, bringing the entire park to a silent standstill.

Wally snorted, and Artemis closed her eyes in exasperation. Roy seemed to have completely given up on pacifying his wife, and was ready to shrink into the nearest hole he could find. Lawrence simply took a drink and gave Roy a hearty pat on the back before walking away.

Maybe family reunions weren't like teeth-cleanings after-all, because at least most dentists aren't dysfuctionally drunk off margaritas and past vendettas…?


	6. The SeaArrow Chronicles

**A/N:** Because I just had to.

_Disclaimer_: I do not own Young Justice. Also, spoiler alerts if you haven't watched up to "True Colors".

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><p><span>The SeaArrow Chronicles<span>

"Um, hey Dad, I'd like you to meet my um, yeah…"

Artemis squeezed Kaldur's hand and choppily gestured towards Black Manta. Sportsmaster didn't even glance once at his daughter and her fiancé. His beady brown eyes remained pinned on Manta, and a suffocating fog of silence filled the room.

Manta narrowed his eyes.

Sportsmaster did the same.

And they just glared silently at each other for all eternity's worth.

It was awkward.

Very awkward.

Like, skin-crawling-awkward.

"Remember when you tried to kill me," Manta grumbled.

"Remember when you sent Deathstroke to kill _me_," Sportsmaster responded as curtly.

"Remember when you tried to kill my _son_."

"Remember when your son _actually_ killed my daughter?"

Yeah…

Awkward.

* * *

><p>Hey, Artemis here to tell you a little something about my family.<p>

Firstly, an introduction on all the players: myself, my husband Kaldur'ahm, his father (we'll just call him Manta), my father Lawrence, my mother Paula, my sister Jade, her husband Roy, and their daughter Lian.

Once upon a time in a land far, far away (except not really), I was part of a covert team of young superheroes under the "management" of the Justice League. Kaldur was my leader, Roy was on my team, and we fought against The Light, which consisted of Manta, Lawrence, and Jade. Are you confused yet? Good, because this buggy is about to become a lot bumpier.

It turned out Roy was actually a clone designed by The Light to replace the original Roy Harper and act as a double-agent/mole/spy/bitch-slave (Jade's term, I swear to God). My father was his "handler", and could "freeze" him on command in order to "download" information, and who knows what Jade did to him then… Anyway, eventually, Roy succeeded in delivering the Justice League to The Light, and was finally free of his "duties". That's when my covert team comes in and saves the day.

Fast forward five years where Kaldur discovers the dark side does indeed have cookies, or biological fathers in his case, and abandons us for Manta. However, this is all a ruse, as he's working as a double-agent (notice a theme here). During one of the missions, he "kills" me, and coincidentally gains a new right-hand woman, Tigress. If you're not one for subtleties, I was Tigress, also working as a double-agent.

However, no one cared to inform my father and Jade of this sneaky plan, and they go beserk trying to avenge my death (isn't that sweet), and my father nearly kills Manta. Yeah… we try never to bring that up, ever.

Oh, and sometime during that five-year-skip, Roy elopes with Jade, and waste no time acting out the birds and the bees and creating cute little Lian.

So it's no wonder my father and Kaldur's are extremely competitive during Thanksgiving football games, BBQ cook-offs, and even backyard pruning. One time, Kaldur and I asked them to help us trim the hedges in our backyard, and came back to a mish-mash of Atlantis and every sporting paraphernalia molded into the greenery.

My father also likes to pretend Roy doesn't exist. I also suspect the code-word to shut him down is still effective, because there have been multiple occasions where I've found Roy with an ice-pack pressed to his man-treasures and confusion dripping through his pained features…

Jade and Kaldur also don't like each other, considering how their first encounter consisted of her paralyzing him with some form of crazy toxin. She enjoys making references to how cats hunt and eat fish in front of him, and he likes to leave bags of kitty litter under her pillow.

The only sane ones in this family are myself, my mother, and Lian. Kaldur's mother sometimes visits, but things get real strange real fast because there's always a Beyonce song blasting from an unknown location.

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><p>Dear Diary,<p>

We are babysitting Lian today, along with my father and Artemis's. (Please take note I did not make it clear if those two are aiding us in the watching of Lian, or if they are part of the "babies" we are supervising.)

Anyway, there is an argument occurring over what movie Lian should watch before nap-time.

My father insists on "The Little Mermaid".

But Lawrence will not cease in switching the channel to today's football game.

Artemis and I are merely waiting for Lian to fling her bowl of mashed peas at them both.

Sincerely,  
><em>Kaldur'ahm<em>

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><p><strong>AN:** I apologize for my brain.


	7. March Madness

**March Madness**

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><p>The current week had many names: the week before Spring Break, the week of midterms-galore, the week of really crazy shit happening in the wee hours of the night…<p>

"I CAN'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING COMES FROM AN _EGG!_"

Wally tossed his pen across the dining room table and leaned back in his chair until the gods of physics trembled violently. He fell forward and slapped his cheeks with both hands. His bloodshot eyes stared widely at the diagram before him.

"LIKE, ISN'T THAT _CRAZY?_" he continued to yell as if all the epiphanies of science-past had crashed into his buzzing brain in one nano-second. "Chicken EGG, Drosophila EGG, C. elegans EGG!" He jumped out of his chair and half-walked, half-waltzed, to Artemis.

She was sitting cross-legged on the living room couch, a fan of papers in one hand, and a lap-top snuggled on her lap. She silently mouthed the words to whatever song was currently playing through her one dangling ear-bud, and just generally looked slightly more…well, sane, than her boyfriend.

"Eggs, Wally, yes…" she replied, her voice trailing off as she began furiously typing.

Wally spun in place and then slumped face-first onto the floor. He spread out his arms and continued to lay there. Brucely perked his head up and would have raised an eyebrow at his prostrate master had he the conscience to do so. Instead, the pit bull just went back to sleep.

It was currently 3:00 AM at the Spitfire apartment in Palo Alto, and both Wally and Artemis were powering through a mountain of study material, lab write-ups, and essays. Midterm season tended to bring out the crazy in everyone.

Wally mumbled something, and Artemis finally looked up. "Yes, Babe?" she asked.

He turned his face towards her and spoke again, "Can I has another energy drink?"

Artemis leaned forward to peer into the dining room, and counted 1…2…12 empty cans of Monster stacked into the shape of a pyramid. She then slowly turned to Wally with a look that clearly read, "That…wasn't…enough…for…you…_why?_"

"Faaaaaaaaast metaaaaaaaaaaaboliiiiiiiiiiiiiiism," Wally whined into the hardwood panels.

Artemis sighed. She pulled the ear-bud from her ear, paused the music, gently moved her laptop and notes to the coffee table, and softly walked to Wally's side and knelt down.

"Wally."

"Nehhhhhhhhhhhh."

"Wally, c'mon, get some sleep."

"Genenenenenetics."

"You've been up for what… seventy hours now?"

"High levels of hunchback in the anterior end, low levels of bicoid…"

"See, you know your stuff! You're going to be just fine for tomorrow's exam." She stood up, picked up one of Wally's arms, and began dragging him across the floor. Surprisingly, he didn't protest, not even when he face rubbed against the living room rug.

When they reached the bedroom, Artemis dropped his arm and nudged his shoulder with her toe.

"Up you go."

Wally's only response was a twitch and a snore.

Artemis groaned. "Son of a…!" She was tempted to just leave him face down on the carpet, but then what kind of girlfriend would she be? So she positioned her legs around his torso, slipped her hands underneath his arm-pits, spat out a few swear words, and heaved his head and chest onto the bed, followed by the rest of his torso, and then one leg after the other.

She finally huffed, and stood back with her arms on her hips to admire her handiwork.

"I present to you," she whispered proudly to no one in particular, "'The Slumbering and Snoring Speedster'!"

There was a snort from Wally, and his mouth—relaxed just moments ago from feigned sleep—formed into a smile and he gradually started giggling…and then chuckling…until his whole body was shaking with laughter.

Artemis glared silently at him, and then with a war-cry, tackled him.

"YOU WERE AWAKE THE ENTIRE TIME?" she cried out. "AND YOU MADE ME HAUL YOUR HEAVY-ASS—YEEEK!" She suddenly screeched as Wally flipped around and began attacking her with ferocious tickles.

He then began to unleash fake-cries of woe into the night. "AND ALL I WANTED WAS ANOTHER CAN OF MONSTERRRRRRRRRR! UH HU HU HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

Brucely then appeared in the doorway, and jumped excitedly onto the bed with his masters. Wally turned his tickling talents to the dog instead, and a newly freed Artemis took the chance to head-butt Wally in the chest. And then it was Artemis's turn to unmercifully tickle Wally while the barking dog covered his screaming master's face with slobber.

Well you know what they say… study hard, tickle-slobber-laugh-fight harder!

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><p><strong>AN:** ...I don't remember why I wrote this.


End file.
